Ryan John Yates

Ryan Yates
Born 1st September 1983
To
30th September 2005
Aged 22yrs
Occupation - Mechanic
Farnley - Leeds
2 brothers - 1 sister -
Multiple Organ Failure

Thanks To All The People That Have Contributed To Ryan's
Site.And He Still Lives On To Us Through This Music.He Played
These Tunes So Many Times He Drove Us All Nuts.
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2 YEARS TODAY
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Don't know where its gone sweetheart, it still seems like yesterday
In someways it seems like a lifetime ago that we were together, but the pain is as strong as when we lost you its crazy. They say time heals but the ones that say that can't have lost someone as precious as you cause it kills . If only you knew and believed how many people loved you babes it would have made such a difference, I'm so proud as I read the comments of people who knew you ,I have heard so many stories of your bravery and courage and even though I and the rest of your family already knew the person you really was it warms our hearts to read the comments on your site. To some people you were just someone on drugs and the names they called you then just broke my heart, but they never knew you and they missed out on knowing one of the most loving young men that ever lived . So today all your family are gathered together to celebrate not your painful life but the man you were who despite all that you had been through and all that you had done to you, would reach out his hand and help anyone, you were the best son, brother, uncle and friend and its no wonder why we miss you so much. We will share all our memories of you with each other today,cry many tears, laugh and smile at stuff you did,we will never forget you no matter how many years go by Ryan, how could we. All your family thank everyone who has spent time leaving their thoughts and tributes over the last few months ,you will never know the comfort you have given us all, and we hope his close friends and others will share this day with us and remember Ryan in anyway they can. We love you babes 4 ever lots of love from mum and family x x x x
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Hi sweetheart hope you would be happy at the changes I just know you would go mad with me for showing some baby photos but I cant help it. I know for sure you would love the photo of you and your sister Kelly so i'v give it pride of place. God we miss you so much babes but your never far from us ,your always in our thoughts our conversations. memories and most important our hearts there is not a day goes by that we don't think of you sometimes with laughter but most with pain. You are such a hard person to forget not that we would try ,but babes you have left a hole so big in our hearts that it can never be repaired ,you were one of a kind sweetheart every mums dream,my baby and God its so hard not having you here. I would give my life for 1 more of your hugs&kisses Id jump through hoops just to hear your voice and hear your laughter just 1 more time but I guess thats true of every parent on here. I'm dreading next month you were born on the first day and died on the last I know its going to test our endurance yet more but every time I miss you so much I thank God that your at peace and I know he will get us through ,whatever our pain its worth it knowing you never have to suffer anymore darling ,and all your brothers and sisters and your nieces and nephews they all look after me as I do them. So sleep tight my precious son one day we will meet again as thats what God promises and then just let anyone try to part us againI love you babes with all my heart love Mum x x x x x

READ RYAN'S STORY PLEASE



I have thought long and hard about putting Ryans story on this site Iv searched my heart thinking "What would Ryan want me to do" and I still have reservations about what people might think but if just one person can benefit from Ryans story then he would say "Go for it Mum"
When Ryan was born his Dad didnt want to have anything to do with him and came in and out of his life whenever he felt like it Im not here to bad mouth him but It had so much to do with how Ryan felt about himself and as he grew up he wanted and needed his Dad more than ever.

Ryan had two older brothers and one sister and they thought the world of him.His sister however was very ill she had a rare skin condition and was inand out of hospital most of the time, One time she was in hospital in London for six months solid and Ryan missed her deeply. when she came back from London she spent months in hospital in Leeds having a transplant. Kelly attended hospital for three days a week for years and as you can imagine this put a great strain on homelife .

When Ryan was 9years old we recieved another bombshell Ryan was diagnosed as insulin dependant diabetic and found it hard to come to terms with at first. It was even more difficult with two lots of hospital visits, blood sugars to take ,injections to give.Hypo's to deal with for anyone who have Diabetic children you will know all about what Im trying to describe. I had been married to my second husband for about two years (My first husband died) and he didn't have a clue what was in store for us when he married me we never got any Honeymoon or much time together but he was a great support. We actually thought we were coping quite well until another bombshell hit I was diagnosed with an auto immune disorder where my own body was attacking itself this time my thyroid so it had to be removed.

It had such an impact on me I had no energy.Later I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and felt overwhelmed with everything. I had to include these details so that you can understand the back ground of what happened next.

It seemed like an impossible situation so you can imagine when a family friend we had known for years who himself was a diabetic came to our rescue and offered to take Ryan under his wing and help Ryan with all areas of his Diabetes.We thought our prayers for help had been answered
Ryan responded great to this attention our friend took him all over to play and watch his favorite leeds teams football matches .Ryan seemed so happy and his diabetes was stable what could go wrong? EVERYTHING

A NIGHTMARE WAS ABOUT TO ENGULF US THIS MAN WHO WE HAD TRUSTED WITH OUR SON WAS SEXUALLY ABUSING RYAN AND HAD BEEN FOR JUST UNDER 3 YEARS.

Most of you must be thinking what kind of mother am I that I didn't know what this monster was doing to my son ,but he had groomed Ryan so well
that nobody had any clues. When it all came out in court we could see in hindsight that there were signs but most of which were seen by Ryans GP as to do with his diabetes. To this day I can never forgive myself for what happened and nobody can hate me more than I hate myself.

Only six weeks after Ryan told us of the abuse my husband felt he couldnt cope and left us Ryan thought it was all his fault the man who abused him had said to Ryan that if he told anybody nobody would believe him and they would leave him and in Ryan's mind that had been the result . My sons life was in bits and it was all down to me he was my child I SHOULD HAVE COPED I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TRUSTED MY PRECIOUS SON TO ANYBODY. I hope somebody learns from my mistakes you dont know who you can trust these days.

I hoped that nothing else would happen within the family we had been through so much but it wasnt to be my Daughter had a skin condition and it had turned to cancer and the only treatment was amputation of her leg.
This affected Ryan so much again he somehow thought everything was his fault but that was riddiculous my heart felt it was breaking. There was so much to go through again and Ryan needed loads of support I just prayed that somehow we would get through this. We all loved each other so much my sons and my daughter were brilliant and supportive despite what she was going through.

Around this time Ryan seached for his Dad again but found out that he hadn't even told his wife who he married years after we were together Ryan felt like he was just a dirty little secret he felt worthless.

Months passed by Ryan was still so depressed he didnt want to live his diabetes was out of control he just blamed his diabetes for everthing saying if he didn't have it he would never have spent any time with that man and he would have a life worth living. Due to Ryan not taking care of his diabetes he was 18 at this time he was admitted into hospital in a diabetic coma, we were all willing him to come out of it and thankfully he did and was moved to a Diabetic ward.To cut a long story short during that night a mentally ill male patient got into bed with Ryan naked and you can imagine the rest Ryan jumped out of his bed pulled out all the drips rang a taxi and came home terrified. The hospital said how sorry they were but again the damage was done Ryan said everybody must be able to tell he was easily abused otherwise why did the man get into his bed out of the whole of the hospital .

IT WAS THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN FOR RYAN AND HE LOOKED FOR COMFORT IN SOMETHING THAT WOULD TAKE HIS LIFE DRUGS

" I cant cope Mum " All he wanted was to block out the memories and the pain . He used Heroin for 18 months maybe a bit more I dont know exactly when .I begged and pleaded with him I told we would find other ways to get help but he refused .By this time I was so ill I had been in bed for 4 years I phoned the Police and reported him I had him arrested but nothing worked in the end I had to tell him he couldnt live with me while he was like this I Just hoped it would bring him to his senses.
I CANT EVER EXPLAIN HOW HARD THAT WAS TO DO NONE OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED BEFORE THE DRUGS WAS HIS FAULT BUT TO HIM I WAS PUNISHING HIM.
MY GOD THIS IS SO HARD TO WRITE.

I thought nothing would make a difference but somehow it did , he went to find help and he found it the heartbreak was it was too late to save his life. .During the time that Ryan was on drugs he got an infection and it went into the lining of his heart ,because his diabetes was out of control it was hard for him to fight infection and there were other complications. As I explained Ryan had that horrid experience and no matter how ill he got towards the end he would stay only until he could breath without oxygen and then walk out.

I want to make things clear though no matter what Ryan felt about himself he would do anything for anybody else no matter how hard it was for him, people loved him ,he had a beautiful heart and Im so proud he was my son. Im proud that he found the courage to fight his addiction despite all that had happened and if there is somone that is on drugs and they read Ryans story that they will have courage to try to give it up, Ryan had more things to deal with in his life than some have and yet he learned that life is a precious gift Ryan never turned bitter or wanted to get back at life even though he endured so much and thats something that he has taught me.

We were robbed by life one more time because Ryan was rushed to hospital and put onto life support before we could say goodbye ,every organ that Ryan had failed but his sister and myself held him in our arms he had all his family nd friends around his bed we all said a prayer to him and then I WHISPERED THE HADEST WORDS I HAVE EVER HAD TO SAY
YOUR FREE NOW YOU CAN LEAVE US BABE

If anyone ever does read this Im no good at writing or spelling so please forgive me .There are so many more details I could have wrote but they would fill a book.


THIS IS FOR YOU RYAN IM SORRY I LET YOU DOWN
YOU WERE NEVER WORTHLESS YOU WERE PRICELESS
LOVE YOU 4 EVER X X X



Whatever I write won't do you justice
Its impossible to explain how I feel
You were a wonderful son, with a heart of gold
And without you my life feels unreal

You had so much to deal with throughout your life
Many would have just given in
But you battled and battled with bravery
Only the last one you just could'nt win

Life had conspired against you
Thats what someone told me
But it never made you feel bitter
And my darling thats your victory

I never pretend you were perfect
Though you were decent, loving and kind
You'd go out of your way to help others
And that always sticks in my mind

I know your safe in Gods memory
I pray I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN
And thankfully memories I treasure
Somehow help me to cope with the pain

But I miss you more than you could ever know
And some days feel I can't carry on
I miss all your hugs babe and your beautiful smile
And I promise I too will be strong

I am so so blessed for having a son like you
I keep you close in my heart
You are always alive in my memory
Although circumstances pulled us apart
love you sweetheart always your mum x